Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
