and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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