I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize