i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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