Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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