she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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