I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
