I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
