party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
