Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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