so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
