I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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