New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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