well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
