She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
