Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
