Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
