Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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