Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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