I cannot find my penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
