why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
