Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
