So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
