The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
