she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
