Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
