just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
