The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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