Where did you get a picture of my penis
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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