we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
