Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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