Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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