she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
