Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
