My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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