I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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