My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
