somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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