I've blown a few things in my day
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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