Will you blow on my dice?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Houston, we have a squirter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were trust falling into bushes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
