puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
