wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
