My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
