At least make sure they are 18
Why
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
