So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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