Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
