her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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