Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
