She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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