is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
