Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
