Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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