don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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