All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
