I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
