Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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