My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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