I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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