I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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