My nipple is on Facebook.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
