What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
