You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
