Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
