her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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