hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bring me that man meat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
