We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
