Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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