It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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