I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
