also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
