Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
