the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
